This last trip has been one of not getting to see anything from the plane. The windows have been shut on every flight, it seems. Good for air conditioning, bad for sightseeing . . . They never hold a plane for me when my inbound flight is late . . . If you're going to read mommy porn on a plane on your digital reader, MAYBE you want to put it at less than a 60-point font? Just thinking on that. Just thinking . . . I got on an earlier flight late last week, but the co-pilot, who was coming in on another flight (and aren't all co-pilots coming in on some other flight) had no idea about his next assignment. So, despite what he said over the intercom, he was DAWDLING his way through Midway. Short trip, long? Most of the hour advantage I picked up on leaving early was pissed away by his big-time pokey walk.

I was trying to get the Wi-Fi to work on a plane the other day so I could register for the HubSpot Inbound conference. My computer and my phone both failed to connect. It was at that point that the guy sitting next to me (you know, the guy that kept opening and closing the window shade every 30 seconds during the flight) leaned over to inform me that his Wi-Fi was working fine. Grrrrrrrrr . . . Note to self: Build time into EVERY trip in Chicago to take photos for the Brainzooming stock photo library. There are amazing photos EVERYWHERE in the city with the big Instagram shoulders.

I need a random topic generator for this weekly article I write for another publication. The dread of coming up with a good topic is so great, we have a disease-sounding name for my weekly mid-week malady . . . You may not like puns, but they are a sound form of humor. Plus, homonyms are gaining broader recognition all the time . . . Sometimes when I've been flying early in the week, all I can write during a flight delay is one of these Larry King posts. #SorryNotSorry . . . Note to Apple: Nice manners with your auto-correct, but not every use of the word windows is capitalized . . . Twice on this trip it was a big decision while running down the terminal to catch a flight: go to the bathroom or get food. The bathroom always won. That may speak volumes.

From the HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT FOR THIS ROOM???? Department: I booked a room on Hotwire at a slightly cool hotel off of Michigan Avenue. It was nearly $400, and in true, we don't give a shit about Hotwire buyers so we'll give them the worst experience possible stories, it was a handicapped room. And the front desk attendant hardly informed me of anything at the hotel. All this for $400. My question: HOW MUCH DID YOU WANT ME TO PAY TO TREAT ME LIKE A REAL GUEST? . . . Speaking of not informing people, I flew Comfort+ on Delta this week, and feel like I missed out on the incredible benefits it's supposed to offer. That is because if you don't ask, Delta won't offer them. Grrrrrrrrr.

Here's something I can't explain: in the midst of trying not to fritz out about the event manager's lack of attention to detail, the absolutely right person shows up after a couple of year absence to help, be a great cheerleader, and provide a huge sense of calm . . . "You're sort of okay, so this will probably be okay," is NOT a life's motto . . . I wish people came with screens that would show you their real intentions when they behave unusually . . . Why do smart people have to be so good at decoding what little sense of intrigue I can spin? Sheesh, WORK WITH ME HERE PEOPLE! Please, and thank you. - Mike Brown

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