Typical writer conundrum: Better to sleep on the flight and write when I get home, or try to write on the plane and sleep when I get home? Never an easy answer . . . The writing is easy on this flight because it's completely the wrong topic . . . It's easy to sluff off creating great brand messages. But the thing is, it's not THAT much harder to create incredible brand messages. Do everyone a favor, and put in that little extra effort . . . Yeah, I over-share what's going on in my life. I'm working on curbing that, though . . . When you're a bottom feeder, you always want someone just a little more bottom than you. Thank you, Orioles, who are, in the words of our client, the "best of the worst."

Hoping this book makes it to 22 states

I would definitely do "twenty-two states and half a mile" . . . Roll with the changes, as best you can . . . Sleep would be highly prized right now . . . You see, I'm on a losing streak . . . Being in the middle of a shit show of a job ain't no fun for nobody . . . I forgot what the one cat's name is. Been gone a long time, I am clearly a bad cat dad. BAD cat dad.

It's Salvy. His name is Salvy.

Guy in front of me waiting to get on a Southwest flight: "Are you 33?" Me: "Yeah, at least for the next few minutes" . . . I hate closed windows on planes. Wait. Let me clarify: I hate closed window shades on planes. I'm just fine with the windows all sealed up tight . . . I legitimately wish there were a training school for sitting in the exit row where you could practice everything you are supposed to do under realistic, albeit simulated, conditions. I think we would all sleep better at night . . . Sat in the exit row over the weekend with two California soccer mom chaperones. Had to clue them in on everything in the Wizard of Oz that ISN'T accurate about Kansas. So, that occupied the entire trip from LA . . .We NEVER anticipate a drop in oxygen. To clarify: They don't, but I wanna be ready. Do you know how hard you can pull on those masks? I expect to be pulling pretty hard.

Why would ANYONE schedule a bunch of meetings and calls the day you return from 10 days away from home? Duh . . . Sometimes, it's the heat AND the humidity . . . Growing up, my uncle used to talk about One-Eyed Mildred, who ran a bar in his hometown. When we went to visit, he took us there, and she legitimately had only one eye. He said it was because she was so mean, a rooster pecked it out. That last part may be a rural myth . . . Professional photo bombers are SOOOOOO annoying. Why you gotta always get in my photos?

From a Walmart in LA. This is obviously where the aliens are expected to land.

A client told her team that they found Brainzooming because they Googled, Strategic planning" and "fun." We'll take those searches EVERY day of the week . . . Some people REALLY don't like the people of Walmart. I, however, am one of those people. You take me, you take my retail choices . . . Last few weeks, I was, perpetually, half the way home . . . Oh, that's who that is! I should have figured that out sooner . . . Many happy hours aren't, so much. That's just a cruel joke, I think. Others, are oh, so happy . . . Does anybody know what any of this means?

Laurel & Hardy, right?

Knowing where something is eventually going to go is half the battle . . . The other half of the battle is figuring out what order these one-liners should go in . . . If I had more money than I knew what to do with, I'd have a new t-shirt every day . . . I can't wait to stop flying blind. It's killing me . . . Stop me when you've had enough. Wait! Quit scrolling back up the page . . . Crab cakes and fried pickles. Who knew? – Mike Brown

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